The Nkosi Family: Our Training Family

The people of South Africa are the most welcoming, loving, caring, and compassionate people we have ever met. Their lives are characterized by church, family, song, dance, food, Smack Down (American wrestling – Joe tried to tell them it was fake and they thought he was crazy), and American Soap Operas (they have even made their own South African soaps based on the American model and watch them religiously). The Nkosi family was our introduction to real rural life in South Africa. In a country of amazing people this family is extraordinary. They were the highlight of our first eight weeks in South Africa and will always be important and loved members of our extended family. We have discovered that families are very complex and often difficult to organize until you have lived in their mist for some time. South Africans have a much broader view of a family than Americans; families are often large, incorporating additional children for a variety of reasons. The importance of family is evident in the vast number of words they have to describe members of their families. There are different words for cousins, siblings, and in-laws depending on their order of birth and if their parents are related to you through a male or a female. The mysteries of each family continue to unfold for us with each passing day. Here is a brief description of our beloved Nkosi family (in descending order by age):

Gogo (Grandmother): Gogos are very important and respected members of the community and of the family in South Africa. We have often been told to make friends with the gogos because they are the ones that will protect you if you are in trouble. Traditionally, gogos join the compound of their eldest daughter. By custom they are not supposed to live under the same roof as their son-in-law. This is why there are two buildings on the Nkosi compound. The second structure was constructed by the men in the family when gogo moved in with them about a year ago. We are told that this was the same weekend that the eldest sister (Antosia’s mother) married and moved north with her husband. It was very difficult to communicate with gogo because she was loosing her hearing and did not speak English or Ndebele (the language we were learning). Despite the language barrier, it was always a highlight of the day to see gogo smile or laugh at us. Gogo spent most of the day doing chores around the compound. We are convinced that she has super human powers because she always seemed to appear out of thin air and was able to do amazing amounts of work and lift large amounts of weight (often on her head). We have been inspired by gogo to create a children’s book called Where’s Gogo? It will be very similar to the Where’s Waldo series, but instead of a dorky man in a candy cane outfit it will feature an old woman with superhuman powers in crowded South African landscapes. . . .

Baba (father in Nebele): Lives a life similar to most adult males in rural South Africa. Because of the astronomically high unemployment rate he is forced to travel long distances to find work. Baba works for the mines south of Pretoria. Due to the long hours, low wages, and long commute he is only able to make it back to his home in Bundu about once a month. He sends money and is welcomed with big smiles upon his return. We got to spend two or three nights with Baba and greatly enjoyed his company. He is a quiet man that appears to work for and be very proud of his family. He spoke very little English, but worked hard to make us feel welcomed and to ask questions about America. We are told that it is common for the men that have a second home near work to have a mistress or even a second family that their first families are unaware of until the husband’s funeral.

Mama: Mama is the backbone of the family. She works unbelievably hard in all aspects of her life. She is an older woman and drips wisdom that can not be taught in school. We are certain that the strong morals, intelligence, unmatched work ethic, and deep joy for life that is common among all members of the family originate from mama. Mama sells a variety of food at the village school and out of the family kitchen. Items for sale include: Cheeto-like snacks in a variety of flavors (we spent many hours each afternoon putting them into little bags for mom to sell), scopas (stale tasting popcorn-like snacks that Joe uses to feed his tape worm during the day), biscuits, fried potatoes, sausage-like meat, Coca-Cola , bread, candy, oranges, cabbage, tomatoes, onions, and frozen bags of juice. Mom speaks many languages, but does not speak English or Ndebele very well. During our time at the house she worked very hard to communicate with us in both English and Ndebele. During a much-needed ironing lesson, we learned that mama used to work as a maid in a madam’s house (aka white woman). She also told Joe when he was teasing our sisters that he reminded her of the boys she raised in the madam’s house. A compliment or smile from mama was like gold to us.

Oldest Sister: The oldest sister married and no longer lives with the family. We never met her, but her daughter, Antocia, lives with the Nkosis.

Kedibone: The oldest sister (late 20’s) currently living in the house. We are told that she is the one that initiated having the family host PC volunteers. She is very shy and has a speech impediment so does not talk unless spoken to. While we were living there she attended a three week agricultural school program and brought home her diploma on our last night with the family. We were all very proud of her. Her dream is to one day own her own supermarket, named ‘Kedibone’s’.

Jan (pronounced john): During our stay Jan was the only male permanently living with the family. He is in his early to mid 20’s and is the eldest brother. Jan is currently unemployed (the unemployment rate in South Africa is astronomical, especially in the rural villages). There are countless young adults who have finished school and roam the streets because they can’t find work. Jan occupies himself by applying for jobs, volunteering at the local school, and watching TV while blaring the stereo.

Oupa: On one of our last nights with the Nkosi family we decided to give them framed pictures (which we developed in Pretoria) as a token of our gratitude for their generosity. On the same night Oupa came home for the first time during our stay in the house and brought with him a brand new surround sound speaker system for the TV and stereo (it can blow the tin roof off the house). His gift was a tough act to follow, but the family still enjoyed our pictures. Oupa is in his early twenties and has both a job and a car (the only member of the family with a car). Like baba, his job only allows him to return home a few times a year.

Laiza: Laiza just finished school and is currently taking classes on Saturday’s because she failed standards in grade 12. She has a golden voice and a great sense of humor. We attended church with the family just to hear her sing. She occupies her days by sweeping the dirt in the yard and on the road in front of the house (it’s a wide-spread phenomenon that none of the PC’s can figure out), doing laundry, and taking trips to the nearest town to buy huge bags of the snacks that mama sells in her tuck shop (name of small stores).

Sesi: A young woman who is very confident, intelligent, and mature for her age. She is currently in standard eleven (eleventh grade). She was the best English speaker in the family and became our guardian, translator, teacher, sister, and friend. She has learned most of her English from watching TV and would memorize words and phrases to have us explain for her. In school Sesi has 4 different language classes. This is very typical and practical in a country with 12 official languages (the newest just added a few months ago being sign language). She was shocked to learn that we only speak English and a very little French and Spanish. She hopes to become a fashion designer (she attempted to take Kelli on as her fashion project) and talk show host after her schooling. She still wants to live in Paris, even after we broke the news to her that it isn’t in the U.S. Recently her school awarded her as the “Most Dependable Student.”

Antocia: Antocia is actually the daughter of the oldest sister (who lives many hours away – we never met her mother). Antocia and Sesi are the same age and are in all of the same classes at school. Antocia is not as outgoing as Sesi, but is a wonderful person and was equally as helpful in helping us adjust to life in South Africa. To the dismay of Sesi, Antocia had a cell phone while mama would not allow Sesi to have one. Cell phones are huge here and almost everyone has one, even elementary students.

Moses: Moses is a part-time resident of the Nkosi household. He is a friend of the family from church and is near in age to Sesi and Antocia. Despite his age, he is currently in standard six because he started school late. The Nkosis have welcomed him as a brother because his parents are no longer in his life (HIV/AID and other social problems have created many orphans in South Africa – it is common for the eldest sibling of families to be attending school and taking care of multiple younger siblings) . When he is not at the Nkosi house he lives with his school-aged brother in a neighboring village. Moses and Joe shared passions for photography and running. Moses takes pictures of people, develops them, and sells them to make money. He was in awe when Joe pulled out our camera to shoot pictures. Moses is a deeply religious person and aspires to become a professional writer and singer of gospel music.

Marixse: The family dog that is not allowed inside, but is not much of a guard dog. We think his function was vacuum cleaner for the kitchen. The first word we learned in Ndebele was “puma,” meaning “get out!” Joe joked that the family yelled “puma” at the dog so often that we thought it was the dog’s name. We worked very hard not to make friends with the dog because we were told that it was a cultural taboo. Apparently no one informed Marixse of the taboo because he would jump on us and follow us EVERYWHERE! One day we went for a long run and Marixse insisted on following us. This was not uncommon for Marixse, but he ran off at one point and then never returned. For a while we thought our sisters were going to sacrifice us, but it finally blew over. As far as we know Marixse is still missing . . .

Livestock: Along with the 10 or so humans that occupied the house at any one time there was a small army of goats, chickens, and roosters that had free reign of the yard. Everyone has fenced-in ‘yards’—pretty much a mixture of dirt and pavement, but the livestock (goats, chickens, roosters, dog, cows, sheep, etc.) go under, over, and through the fences and just roam around as they please. They eat and poop wherever they want and make lots and lots of noise. Besides being sources of food and revenue, the livestock help clean the trash that is thrown haphazardly among the yards and streets (there is no trash collection, you can throw it or you can burn it). Kelli asked our language instructor how they know which goat is whose and she said “they just know”. Jan also informed us that he has trained the goats to return to the house every evening. We were skeptical until we realized that even though the goats would spend the day foraging in the village, they indeed returned every evening. Unbelievable.